Saturday, April 30, 2011

Instructions for my Husband: Please stop snoring.

I know this may be a little bit hard for you to do, because as you always tell me, you're asleep so you can't control when you're snoring.

Still, I know there has to be something you could do. Get the breathe strips. Or the mask contraption breathe-y thing. Or the spray. Or just anything. I don't care. I just don't want to listen to your snoring every single night for the rest. of. my. life.

I just typed "stop snoring" into Google, and 2,140,000 entries were returned. That's over two million options to choose from to stop snoring! Today! Low Cost!

239,000 results provided the additional promise that they are GUARANTEED TO WORK! Certainly there must be something out there on one of those sites that will help you snore less, even if it won't stop your interminable snoring completely.

At the very least, don't get all annoyed with me when I wake you up because I can't sleep... because you're snoring.

Does anyone else have a snoring mate? What do you do?

This is the eleventh post in my ongoing series of Instructions for My Husband. {He has yet to follow any of them.}


Anonymous said...

3 words . . . Sleep Apnea Machine

New York City Mom said...

great suggestion, where do you get one?

l.e.s.ter said...

Johanna used to grab my face and shove it toward the wall, which she said seemed to stop the snoring, although sometimes it stopped the snoring just by waking me up. But then since I stopped dating Johanna, I don't seem to snore any more. I think there's also a spray. But really it's just water, and it only works until they fall back asleep again.

Jill said...

I'm actually the snorer in my relationship. When I was pregnant it was so bad my huz slept in another room. Also, when I drink. Nothing I can do. I tried the breathing strips but they didn't work. Sorry love. I know what a pain it is

A Mommy in the City said...

I feel very fortunate to not have a snorer. He does snore when he is sick and it drives me nuts! His dad snores so bad he sleeps with a breathing machine and a mask over his mouth! Sorry!

Anna said...

@jill can't wait to meet your husband one day so we can exchange strategies

@amommyinthecity, i'm glad you realize how lucy you are!

Katy said...

If you figure it out, please let me know. I have a snorer and it drives me batty!!!!

Kimberly Chapman said...

My snoring husband is driving me batty too, even though it's clearly exacerbated by allergy season so there's not much he can do about it. I snore as well, but he sleeps through noise of world-ending proportions, whereas I am woken by the slightest irregularity in the pattern of the ceiling fan's whir. So when he turns so he's right behind my head and then suddenly SNORRRRRRRRRRRRRT! I startle awake and can't sleep again for a good half hour.


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