Well, we still aren't buying Skechers. Sure, the shape-ups are off the market (not because Skechers saw the error of their ways) because the FTC made them stop selling them for false claims that could not be substantiated.
And yet, while you might think this is the year you could make your daughters' dreams of owning twinkle toes shoes be realized: it is not.
Because now Skechers has managed to find something arguably even more offensive than fucking shape-up sneakers for first-graders.
It's a line of shoes for teen and pre-teen girls called... DADDY'S MONEY.
Wait, sorry, that's not quite right it's DADDY'$ MONEY. Apparently Skechers is too cla$$y for a regular ol' S when they can plop a $ in there instead and make it like they're all cool to the kid$.
Ironically, after the shape-up bullshit these new shoes have a "hidden 2-inch wedge." Because you can't start too early teaching girls their body isn't thin enough, tall enough or good enough.
I don't even know where to start to explain the outrage and revulsion I feel that from all of the clever names they could have picked, Skechers chose Daddy'$ Money. Apparently this was the best they could come up with after deciding Shoes for Your Whore Daughters was just going too far.
Also, I'm going to guess Mommy's Money didn't have the same ring, nor did Shoes I Bought with Own Damn Money.
I want to think that it doesn't matter. Who cares if some stupid over-priced garish shoes are called Daddy'$ Money or any other dumb name. But I think it really does matter. These aren't shoes being marketed in a kitschy way to grown-ups. These are shoes - with a hidden heel! - being marketed to teens and tweens, specifically teen and tween girls - there are (surprisingly!) no shoes for boys in the Daddy'$ Money line.
And that's why it matters. We don't want our daughters, and girls everywhere to think that Daddy's Money is the answer, literally or figuratively to get shoes, or anything else in life. And it's never too early to teach girls that they matter, their choices matter, and that when companies make bad choices we need to show them that that matters, too.... by not buying their crap.
So when this family spends Daddy's money - and Mommy's money - it's going to be on shoes with names like Free Run and Jazz, and the shoes we buy won't have any hidden heels, or hidden messages.
And in case you're wondering if it's just me, it's not. I'm not the only one that thinks these shoes suck. So do a lot of other people, you can read why they're outraged here.
So to sum up: Do not come home with Skechers for the girls no matter how much they want them. They'll thank you later, I'm sure.
This is my thirty-third instruction in my ongoing series Instructions for my Husband.
Follow along on Facebook on the Instructions to my Husband page where there's always something funny (or frustrating) going on.