I'm linking-up to Yeah Write. For those of you who were here last week, you will be glad to know this week is not a dream sequence.I've been following semi-closely the latest round in the "mommy wars".
And this is my conclusion: if you're fighting in the mommy wars, then you've already won.
If you are weighing your options, and making the choice to work or not work, you've already won.
If you are a two-parent family that can afford financially to have one parent stay home, you've already won. I don't care if you are a stay-at-home mom or a stay-at-home dad, your family? Is winning.
If you're a two-parent working family, you've already won, too. In this crappy economy both of you have a job? Your family? Is winning.
If you have the luxury to debate whether it is better for a mom (or dad) to be employed or stay home, then you've already won.
Working moms, stay-at-home moms - who yes, I realize are also working - it's all good. Why try and make one better, or worse, than the other?
So now that we've established that fighting the mommy wars is a poor use of time, let's use all our free time to do something good!
Let's turn our energy to all the people who don't have that choice to be employed outside the home or to stay at home. Let's help the single mom (or dad) who is doing all the childcare and all the working.
Let's help the stay at home mom who wants to work, but can't find a job.
Instead of complaining a mom (or dad) shouldn't be working because she should be home with her kids, why don't we all just give the lady a hand? Invite her kids to go with you to the after-school activity you know they need a ride to, offer to pick them up from soccer so she doesn't have to leave work early, and believe me (not that this should matter) she will return the favor. Work-out-of-the house moms always do, one way or another.
And as long as we have all this extra energy for righting the world instead of fighting over the most personal of decisions, what don't we try and make more tenable out-of-home working arrangements for parents? I would have loved to keep my pre-kid job. But the hours were just too long, and my company had no interest in trying to keep me in a part-time role.
And last, don't think I've forgotten, what about making the stay-at-home mom's life a little easier, too? Personally, I think stay-at-home moms are entitled to some kind of union that limits hours worked per week and gives time off on holidays, or at least pays overtime. Oh wait, they don't get paid... so maybe we could work on that, too.
What do you think?
27 comments:
There is no one greater than or less than in this world of parents. We're all in this together. And we need to help each other out. Thanks for the reminder!
Great post!
As a single dad, I say YES PLEASE! Well done.
Lisa Duggan wrote a great piece about the latest mommy war dust-up, about the ways in which women's real issues are being utterly ignored - her piece and yours should be required reading. Because yeah, if you can afford the time & energy to have this debate, then you don't need to have this debate. Granted, it's a stupid debate, but it's function is precisely to turn us against one another and away from what really matters - the stuff that would make life easier for all families. I won't rant in your comments, but yeah. good post.
I SO love your idea of offering a little help, a ride here and there. I can only imagine how grateful they'd be!
It takes a village to raise a child...it takes a village to come together and wake up, stop the BS mommy wars, and do something. Loved this post.
I agree! Having a choice is the whole point. it's when you don't that there's a problem...
Hear hear! I couldn't agree more. Whether to work or stay home is such a personal decision, no doubt made wisely, based on a myriad of factors...so to judge that decision is just plain silly.
Wow, great post Anna! Let's love and not war ;)
Yep, you nailed it, my friend!
Fantastic post! Very interesting points.
I wonder why we always hear about "working Moms" as if it were a strange creature. We don't define men as "working Dads." Thanks for sharing this post.
a-friggin-men. just take care of yours and i'll take care of mine. i definitely already won- because i'm a Mama to my Lovie.
I love how you've laid it all out and recognize that regardless of what kind of mom or dad you are, what's important is appreciating and respecting your own decision for your family. We certainly shouldn't be comparing ourselves to one another, we wouldn't want our kids to pass judgment on different races for example, just because of the color of a persons skin, so why do that with a parents right to raise kids during the day or work outside the home during the day. Regardless being a parent is a tough job, no matter which way you slice it. Refreshing perspective, I certainly wish the "mommy wars" would end!
Yes! Fabulous post. I'm so tired of the so-called mommy wars. I don't understand when it became everybody's elses business what we choose to do in our own homes. Gah!
100 percent perfection!!! It's so dumb.....why do we do it???
You are a breath of fresh air blowing the stink off of a topic that I wish would just roll over and die already! Ellen
Amen!
i agree. all this wasted energy that could be used to band together, to strengthen one another, to lift each other up. well said!
I'm over it all already. I'm with you... Live and let live!
I agree. It is way too personal an issue for each family for anyone to judge what is 'right'. Now, let's get these parents paid!
What do I think?
I think I love you.
Yes! to expending energy on things that truly matter. Except that things that truly matter don't get as many page hits on WSJ or HuffPo or Babble or NYT or whatever - because we feel helpless to solve the problem alone. Just imagine if we all got our acts together to fix one of the REAL issues! Woot!
I love this. I love this so much. Yes! It's ridiculous to compare people. To compare jobs, to compare one person's situation to another's. It's just stupid. Great post! Here here!
OMG, I think abso-freaking-lutely 100% YES! Thank you so much for making such excellent points!
aw, thanks!
Oh a big AMEN to all of this. I wish we would all stop bickering and nitpicking and just help each other out!
love this! just so great.
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